Mom Motivation and Happy New Year!

How many of us have made a New Year's resolution in the past?  Mine is to take more pictures with my kids, not just of them doing stuff, but of me with them, doing the stuff I am doing with them.  It only happens too fast that we are old or have changed into something new and what we looked like is forgotten.  

November snow!

Reading Harry Potter with Emma & Gus. 

Summer days

Summer days

Having a really good summer.  

Recap: 

Made it to the 4th stage of roller derby, still working, now the bruises come in to play. 

Holiday world passes have been used many times.  

Boy Scout Camp for Gus. 

Zoe went to Disney with Alison. 

Bonding with Laurie. 

Barre class at the YMCA with Brooke. 

Running 2 or 3 times a week. 

Skating in the Greenway with April. 

Dad and Patty came to visit, dad twice, once to bring the van, our new van that we LOVE, and last week with Patty. 

I am going to take the kids to Oklahoma for the Stapp family reunion the first of August. 

5th of July Family at Alison' s House

Long hair...

At the Zoo with Tony today. 

Too Wobbly

Teddy was playing with the kitchen light switch, turning it off and on.  I said, "Pick one and stay there." 

To which he said, " I can't stay here, mom.  (Standing on a chair) It's too wobbly.

Made me smile!  He's too cute. 

He is also really interested in Grandma's clarinet.  He wants to play really badly!  

Kid Quotes

The big kids both play brass instruments, and since I play violin, I have no idea how to help them.  

Gus is practicing for his upcoming concert.  

Me: I have a clarinet, I took lessons when I was five or six, I'm sure I can still play.  

Gus: Oh mom, you've already lived out one of your childhood activities by roller skating, you don't need to play the clarinet too! 

The Drums

The drums.  Tama Imperialstar with Zilgian cymbols.  You see those drums represent years of my life.  They we're first set up in our den studio, where I practiced piano at the age of 5 or 6.  I thought that room was haunted, more about that later.  My mom taught me the most important thing a musician needs to know...how to count to 4.  I remember hours of playing, and counting loudly and blinking every time I hit the snare drum.  I still do!  I also remember countless of hours of feeling abandoned because mom was practicing, a lot. I didn't understand that it was her art, or her work, or way of life.  I just remember going in time and time again and she was still playing, probably learning songs, I know now, but I thought she was just ignoring me.  

So to sell them, or even trade for a good brake job, is not in me.  I thought it might be, if the price were right or I wanted my friend to have them.  But as I looked at them in the attic music room of that old house that I am not packing up quickly enough, I cried and realized those drums are part of me.  I can't get rid of the them anymore than the hundreds of guitars, or paintings, or much else.  I know I have to part with most of it, but somethings just go too deep, and the drums are one of those things,  They are technically my drums, she bought them for me, told me they were for me, but she played them.  She saved them for me all those years, and carefully brought them back and forth from house to house.  

So I guess we are going to make a music room out of the basement sooner or later.  I'll be practicing my drums and counting loudly so that all the world knows I can keep the beat.  I think I do have good timing, thanks Mom! 

Not my drums, but some just like them...

Feeling Groovy

I don't remember what I was going to post with that title, but it looks good.  Today is the first day of the rest of my life.  I'm going to get better, I have to.  Saving money is so hard when you need every cent and it's not enough.  How can I make more?  Can you be a test family for vans and cars?  Could my kids and I tell the companies how well a family fits and can use their car?  I bet there is a job out there like that for us.  Just have to find it.  Speaking of finding things, the meds I am on are supposed to help my ADHD... I know I have it, just didn't know how to get tested.  Turns out I took the test with my kids.  3 out of 4 so far can't be wrong.  Good luck!

Springtime in the Shoe

We are winding down the school year with lots of concerts and programs at schools.  My school year has been busy, overshadowed by personal sadness.  I went to the doctor today for anti-depressants.  I knew that crying all the time was not good, but didn't really put it together until today.  We are test driving a Traverse tonight.  Love it!  Dad said that he would match what we could save for a down payment on a new/ new to us vehicle.  I want a Traverse, or a mini van.  Something with 3 rows, 4 bucket captain's chairs, within 3 years old, low miles, and has Bluetooth for my phone.  Not too much to ask, and a low payment, that's great!  We found this one but it's about 6 years old, and has

more miles, but it's really nice!  Dark blue.  Waiting for Amy to bring home Emma from a ball game/play date.  She's good to me, and my kids.  So glad we are friends.  Doctor said I might need to journal, it could help.  Random thoughts, here they are! 

Friday night in the shoe.

We went to Wal-Mart tonight to get Gus ready for a scout hike with his new troop tomorrow.  Got home and found out the hike was cancelled due to weather! So sick of this weather, ready for Spring.  It is only 9:00 PM and all the kids are in bed.  Weird feeling to have time to myself.  Decided to probably not take mom's house after all.  It feels right to say no to this one.  It's not the house I grew up in, but it reminds me of her.  Her stuff is still ours, so that's going to be fun merging it all together.  I do like that house, but it's not our forever house, and the next time we move, it will be to one that is a step up, not a horizontal move to a no better neighborhood.  The neighbor lady is super nice, really the only positive.  If the house were somewhere else maybe but as it is right now, it's not a step up, so it's hard to say no, and kind of scary to face all that work.

Some skating feet I found on line.

Good news, got a place to practice skating at school in the Gym.  It's kind of nice to have something so quirky and out of left field that everyone can't help but stop and notice! My friends that I teach with all want to come see me bout, hope I don't fall on my face!

One sentence per day is hard...

Just to remember to blog is a hard thing to do.  Having a picture that is cute to post, hard too.  Priceless though, that I can go back and look at my year and pretty much see whatever we were going through, or what was happening from my few sentences a month.  So, one sentence per day is my goal.  I don't promote my blog yet, because I really don't want to share, its just my archive and way of recording our lives in the Shoe.

He wants to wear moms knee pads.

Teddy thinks my derby pads are running gear! He wants run like his hero Caillou. We've seen every episode of Caillou, the PBS Canadian 4 year old. Just realized my husband is in the background in his natural habitat... Asleep on the couch! 

Help!

She passed away on Sunday, February 2, 2014 about 1pm.  Cherrie called me and we cried.  Dad went into fix it mode, of course.  He's coming in a week or so to help organize house.  I lost the will.  Couldn't find the envelope Cherrie sent me.  I asked mom's spirit for help to find it, desperate!  I came in from outside and I smelled her.  I took everything out of the cabinet for the 5th time, and reached in the back of the file cabinet and reached way in the back and it was there!  Fallen into the back!  She helped me find it, I knew she would!  

Teddy's smile! 

Naked

She's still hanging in, can't talk or comprehend much. Pulled out all her tubes & no clothes. Sitting there naked. That's mom! 

Da da Land

When I finally got the nerve to ask mom if she thought there was heaven, or where would she go, she said Da da land. What is that?  Wherever dad, Max is.  Heaven, I hope.  I said who was there, and do you know them? She said, "we have a group"! 

Mom in jr high or high school and Zoe in 7th grade. 

I'll take care of you.

Cherrie and I sat with mom all day.  She is in and out of dreams.  At one point, she thought I was my cousin Gina.  Another time, she told me she needed a turtle hook.  She got kind of upset and said, I need my wife!  Wanted Cherrie, and maybe didn't know it was me,  Her breathing is calmer now with more moraphine.  Cherrie and I sat on both sides of her and told her was ok to let go, and that we would take care of her.  She said, " I will take care of you"  Just like she always has...she smiled and stared at me for a long time.  All I do is cry, she told me the dog was making my nose run again.  At least, she doesn't realize that I'm sad.  

The only child! I win!

The Only Child

Parents & pets were my first playmates.

Alone at airports, last goodbyes. Concerns of others nice & comforting, but still alone. 

Trains on the track, can't turn back, when you coming home, sweet mama? 

I got to their house and she was asleep.  She woke up and was not really awake.  She said, "I'm back" several times, like she was waking up from a dream, and I sat on the edge of the bed and said, "I'm back too, Mama, and she looked up and saw me for the first time.  It was the sweetest smile of recognition I've ever had.  It reminded me of one of the kids at night when they wake up from a bad dream, but it was somehow sweeter.  She said, I asked for you, and you came.  She said I was her favorite, I said I win!  With no competition, it was easy! 

Amazing!

I am still beeming that I went out for Roller Derby! 

Now for a hot bath... 

She's a Rollergirl!

Yes, crazy! Me trying out for Roller Derby! Been thinking about it & the opportunity cane up, so I'm gonna check it out! Swim meet today. Talked to mom, she's still hanging in, but very drunk on Morphine. Funny comments: "these 2 gals have me drugged up! Get a triple E breast pad!" Oh my goodness, life is a ride... 

Snow Days

Two snow days this week!  Cleaning house, snuggling, staying warm... Cooking some pork ribs, mom is still playing "Words with Friends". Reading...

New Year, New Projects!

Of course, with the new year, there come resolutions.  Mine is the Happiness Project.  My goal is going to be just a few sentences a day to record what is going on in our lives.  Emma is playing with green goop.  Teddy has already worn his Plex the robot costume.  Avery spent the night with Zoe.  Gus is playing a game with them on the xbox.  We're expecting a storm.  Heard from my mom early,  I hope she is having a good day!